I am a 42 year old female. I have an autistic son and a fiance that is 46. I was raised by a Narcissist father. My parents divorced in 1996, almost 20 years ago. It took me until now at (42) to finally realize what was really going on, and that my father was really a narcissist. Why so long? Because he deceived me into believing his LIES! Back at that time I can only figure that I went into a FOG! I lost myself from all the abuse! I thought that I knew that something was wrong when I was younger, and that everything he spoke was NOT TRUTH but only HALF-TRUTHS, or his opinion, and wrong, AND I WAS RIGHT, THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG!! I didn’t know what was happening at the time, or what to call this stuff he did up until now, BUT I just knew my feeling at that time meant something!!
I didn’t agree with my Dad while growing up, and something was definitely wrong! My Dad was not one for PROMOTING WELL-BEING FOR ANYONE (but claimed to be doing so as he bad mouthed you or others) not funny right? I finally started to catch on at 14 years old, BUT I still never knew why he acted the way he did!! Some examples went like this….
My Dad would tell me to do something (Most times I knew nothing about the thing he would tell me to do), believe me…I was NOT too sensitive although he would say I was! So he would tell me to do something and not give me any info or very little. My Dad has a big problem when people go by their feelings! He always talks about others and how others (most of the world he says) goes by their feelings. I do read a lot of the bible and understand we should not go by just our feelings alone, because our feelings aren’t always correct. But Anyway, my Dad would tell me to do this thing (whatever it may be) say for instance putting my own driver window in my car!! WHAT?? Or putting in my headlight on my 77 Pontiac Firebird back then. First off you think, well he is trying to teach me right? or that is what he would claim to be doing…. But NO…NOT WHEN HE WITHHOLDS INFORMATION AND ISN’T TEACHING CORRECTLY, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT ANY LOVE. He would also stand there watching me the whole time (was he trying to make me mess up so he could belittle me?) and as I was doing this thing he would make faces at my ideas, or in my asking if this or that was the right way to do something (as he wasn’t telling me how to do it, or willing to tell me), just standing and watching, like I was an asshole. It was always a fight with him! He would also, TALK TO ME REAL SLOW LIKE I WAS DUMB! He would do it in front of friends and family also and they would never say anything. How could they?
He would also always stick up for my younger brother when my brother did his fake crying (to prove I did something to him), or say to me “What did you do to your brother to make him cry” (When I did nothing).My brother was the “golden child” and still is. He smokes weed and gets away with so many things and my Dad always helps him. They still live together and my brother is 38!
So…When my car would break down, and right after I got it when I turned 16, my Dad would blame me! Come on are you serious? Cars break down right? My car was bought for $500 and my Dad supposedly replaced the engine for me to drive it. My Dad was supposedly a mechanic but didn’t keep up with the exams after the 1st one. (My Dad quit high school also), not that that matters but just saying! So my car was nowhere near brand new. Brand new cars I’ve seen tend to last at least a year until breaking down (at least from what I have seen), except in rare cases of transmissions going early, or recalls. So my car being already 14 years old, you should expect problems right? I had my car not even three months and was ready to quit driving because of my Dad! I was ready to END MY LIFE bacause of how rude he was!
My Dad twisted stuff so much it was unreal! He would use anything & everything he could to make your day miserable, and anyone else he could. I am not lying, not being too sensitive I am just being truthful, but not in his eyes!
It seems we have to really try to explain ourselves up against liars, manipulators, cheats etc. They will twist and lie in everything they do in order to look good. It makes me sick!
I am done explaining to my family, I’ve tried! They don’t want to hear it and never did or will. They are too busy with their own lives to even care. Sometimes I feel I am at least 10 years behind due to these types of people.
My Dad smacked me so hard one time, it left his four fingers outlined on my right cheek! He was rude! His face would turn beat red when mad, and he would spit in your face. He always had a deep anger problem! He would get so pissed at me the older I got! I couldn’t take him or his shit any longer. Another time he grabbed me and pushed me all the way into my room onto the bed! I was wishing he would hurt me physically so I could call the police on him or punch him just once! So he threw me on the bed, like he was some big guy! He was terrible with the things he did. He did so much more and even more to my Mom, but trying to recall these things can be hard, especially when you somehow blocked them out to SURVIVE ALL THE YEARS.
Still to this day he treats me like a scapegoat, a piece of garbage that he can throw away or take me back if he feels like it, and always on his terms. I have gone no-contact though. I was so happy back then when I was 16 years old and I finally got kicked out of my house. Believe it or not I could not be HAPPIER!! I went back home after two weeks because my Mom was worried about me, but was gone again after two more weeks.
My Mom and Dad later divorced when I was pregnant with my son at 23. That was a very stressful time for me and my family. My Mom’s life was destroyed too! She didn’t get much in the divorce. My Dad did such very cruel stuff! He dragged the divorce out for at least five years. My brother and I were older now, 19 & 23. My Dad would not do what the courts told him to do, and even got away with it! He fired his lawyer or two, I can’t remember how many. He gave literally half of everything. Half a blender, half coffee pot, a perfectly working 84 corvette (AND TOOK THE ENGINE OUT OF IT AND SOLD ALL PARTS ON EBAY). Before my Mom & Dad divorced, my Dad filed a missing persons report on my Mom, when he knew where she was staying, LOL! He called her work and claimed she store thousand’s of dollars worth of items, took pictures of stock she had of the company (my Mom provided product for people under her). So he got my Mom fired from her job only because her boss didn’t want the hassle, and for the fact that my Dad said he would turn the boss in for tax evasion!! My Dad filed missing person report, dropped stuff off and each and everyone’s house of my Mom’s or Grandma’s belongings, as he chose, when he wanted, (JUST TO CAUSE COMMOTION).
My grandmother lived with us when I was a kid. My Dad was psychopath! He treated her badly too. Always a problem in our house. My counselor that I saw for about 3 years said my Dad sounded like a psychopath!
After my Mom left my Dad, he even came to my apartment and conned my boyfriend to push a car off our lot so he could take it home, and leave Mom with nothing. At another time he brought a truck back instead (hmmmm. feeling bad?), but when he brought the truck for Mom, he locked her cat in it ALL NIGHT!! He made so many phone calls to my answering machine that it was loaded up by the time I got home from work. Every day was a living hell!
My brother still lives with my Dad at 38 years old. My brother never moved out (BUT WAS KICKED OUT ONCE) and beat up, which my brother denies because he thinks it will make him a wimp for some reason? At that time guess where my brother lived? WITH ME!! Later on in the years which was just two years ago, 2013, both my brother and my Dad came to live with me, fiance and autistic son for two months. They lost their home due to foreclosure. My brother had THREE DOGS!! AND WE HAD TWO OF OUR OWN DOGS. Can you imagine taking care of 5 DOGS, as both my Dad and my brother went to work? Especially in a 1200 sq ft home? As they both worked, I worked, autistic son etc? I was taking care of everything for them and even cooked them dinner! WE WERE GOOD FOR THEM at that time right? But now we are NO GOOD! So they had lost there home (and us good guys who look out for people) let them come stay with us.
But guess what? Now I am not talked to any longer because of a bible disagreement! Long story with that one, but that’s why I list the Shepherd’s Chapel/Arnold Murray as being false teachings. Not just because I don’t agree with my Dad, but because I went and watched Arnold Murray myself for quite awhile after a discussion with my Dad. My Dad would only talk through texts because he is a chicken!If your going to get involved in something don’t you normally do it in person, or at least ONCE? This is what I do not understand!
I can’t believe what my Dad is into right now! This false teaching with Arnold Murray who has now passed away, and it is nothing but false!! I saw in these teachings the TRUTH about my father once and for all. This brought back so many childhood memories for some reason. I believe the reason is because he is reverting back to his childhood or something. I can’t really explain it. You would have to watch the the Arnold Murray videos and read my Dad’s texts to understand what I am talking. It just that it is so deep and takes quite awhile to explain.
Oh! And my father hates women! He told me so. He told me on at least 3 occasions! In my face mad as hell, spitting and RED! Red like a demon! Also, my father, well….he told me to not TRUST HIM! How could a father say that to his child at 15 years old? then later in life he still says it? What is wrong with him? I can never believe my father could be so crazy to believe this Arnold Murray stuff but then again maybe I can. I WILL NOT GET INVOLVED with these false teachings and that is the reason why (This time) he is not talking to me or answering my texts. I gave up trying after three tries because he will call me the crazy one, the liar, the sensitive one, the lost one, the stupid one, whatever he wants (And thinks he is right for doing it).
My Dad is racist, prideful, and just plain rotten. It’s all about him all the time, or my brother! Watch out for these types of people. I will update when I can remember more. My Life has been rough supporting myself since 16 years old, especially with taking care of an autistic child who is 17 right now! My Fiance (son’s father) is also disabled and fighting the courts due to Hereditary Spastic Paraparesis & Fibromyalgia. We never married for financial reasons. It has been hard on my fiance as well.
There have been times that I have talked to my Dad, it never ended up good though, and it always ended up no-contact again! Whenever he felt I went overboard or didn’t agree with him, he dumped me! What a father eh? Well…he is not my father any longer, God is! I tell ya…Life can be one big hard, long road! I wish you the best if you are dealing with a narcissist, a psychopath, or sociopath, or just someone you are having a very hard time getting along with. There could be many reasons why and it is worth checking into. My Dad never seen a doctor, he never thought anything was wrong with him. He enjoys what he does, and it IS SICKENING!
Do you feel that your parent or parents or any family members emotional neglected you? Treated you bad since birth. Do you feel you were the scapegoat? Do you wonder what happened, how you got to where you are now? Do you ever wonder if you really had a different childhood than others? Do you feel as if something was wrong as you were growing up? Did you feel as if you were missing the emotional well-being you should have had? The love & caring nurturing parent or family member that you thought we all deserved? Did things seems unfair or confusing? Did your parent or parents play mind games? Did they treat your brother or sister/s better? Did they use you as a weapon or try & twist your thinking just for the fun of it? What was the reason? Were they abused, abandoned, hurt themselves? Whatever the case, I feel for you. My Dad emotional abused my mother and me. He would thwart you into giving up and needing him, he would tell you things that would scare you or put you down so you would try and run to him when in trouble, then only to be put down more!! Now I can see my Dad doing the same thing to my brother. My brother and I don’t talk (because my Dad has him brainwashed) but I do care about my brother. I lived many things that I couldn’t explain until recently, and even learned so much more when I joined a group on facebook called:
Here are some good articles that may help you understand what has happened. There are many other websites, but these are just a few of them. Don’t think you are the crazy one!! Look for some compassionate people to help you, but be careful who you choose. Try not to choose what you already been through by thinking you need someone fast, or that you can’t make it on your own. If your searching for answers, you can’t be crazy! Thanks for reading and hang in there! God Bless you & your family.
Don’t give up! Stephanie
VIDEOS & ARTICLES ABOUT NARCISSISTS & EMOTIONAL NEGLECT BELOW:
http://relationshipedia.me/2015/07/10/narc-sadistic-brainwashing-the-8-ingredients-of-mind-control/#more-1514. (Narc Brainwashing-Mind Control)
(How sociopaths think) Very Good!!
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) (CEN)
(Quiz if you may think you are narcissist)
(How to deal with a narcissist)
(Adult Child of narcissist)
(How to Detach from the narcissist)
(20 Traits of Malignant Narcissist)
(Adult Children of Narcissists)
http://www.thespiritualeclectic.com/2010/08/22/the-relationship-between-empaths-and-narcissists/ (Empaths & Narcissists)
(Empaths & Narcissists)
(Sensitive People Attract Narcissists)
(Do you ever wonder if you are a psychopath?)
(Covert & Overt Narcissism)
(7 Things Narcissist won’t tell)
What does God say about Narcissists?