Years ago when I started my career as a psychotherapist, a seasoned colleague gave me perhaps the best piece of professional advice I had ever received. She told me, “if you don’t want to burn out in this field, never work harder on solving your client’s problems than they do”.
This wonderful morsel of advice saved me from the all to common burn out of a career that so many mental health professionals who don’t exercise good boundaries often experience.
And it can save you too.
By refusing to work harder than your partner on solving the problems in your relationship, you can weed out the manipulators, controllers and users and avoid being taken advantage of and carrying all the emotional weight in the relationship.
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These are some recent comments sent to me via social media:
- “Your theology is man-centered…”
- “You are a humanistic Pelagian…”
- “You start with man and build your view of God around humanistic reasoning.”
- “Making God in your own image is not theology, Mr. Flowers!!!”
And those were the nice ones. (Listen to the Podcast on this subject HERE.)
First, I would like us to try and objectively consider which soteriological perspective is actually more “humanistic.” To do so we need a good working definition. The American Heritage Dictionary defines humanistic as “onewho is concernedwiththeinterestsandwelfare of humans.”
I’ll objectively concede this point: When compared to the claims of Calvinism related to God’s ultimate desire for self-glorification it does appear that our soteriological perspective does put more emphasis on God’s concern with humanity over and above His concern for self-glorification. Notable Calvinists are known to argue…
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“Can I lose my salvation,” is one of the most googled phrases regarding the topic of soteriology. Many people are concerned with this tragic potential. In order to answer this question some refer to the doctrine called the “Perseverance of the Saints,” and others the more common teachings such as, “Once Saved Always Saved,” or “Eternal Security of the Believer.” All of the discussions typically center around the foundational concern of an individual feeling insecure in his relationship with God.
Many of us have gone through similar insecurities in dating relationships. We know how we feel about that significant other, but we are not quite sure how they feel about us. What has to happen? The “DTR!” The “Defining of the Relationship.”
We have to sit down with the one we care about and tell them how we feel in hopes…
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If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. John 8:36
Mary Magdalene. She came from the town of Magdala, a place of no good reputation. A troubled woman dogged by seven demons. Emotional turmoil and daily agony. A deeply, deeply tormented woman.
Depression, anger, erratic emotions, anxiety, fear, bitterness. The darkness that filled her mind is hard to imagine. The number seven in scripture indicates completeness. Her bondage was complete. Her suffering was dreadful. The fear of this coming upon her brought her low. The dark side was horrible. She wanted to be free, but nothing was able to bring her to that place. She felt trapped, emprisoned.
This ended in Luke 8:1-4. She met the Lord and was delivered. She was liberated. She was unshackled.
She found freedom in the person of Christ.
Her change was so profound that she is seen…
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Have you been been sitting around, asking yourself the following questions?
“Why does it take so long to heal from this heartache?”, “Why can’t I stop thinking about the person who treated me like crap?”, “Why do I still love him/her after what they did to me?”, “Will this pain ever go away?”
Obsessing over an emotionally abusive relationship is draining, and often so detrimental that many lose their jobs, homes, and even their children. In severe cases, suicide is attempted and sometimes successfully carried out.
There are many elements involved in healing from Narcissistic abuse. Just as with any loss, there will be periods of grieving, denial, anger, and depression. However, unlike a typical break-up where you would eventually get to a point of acceptance, many victims of Narcissistic abuse stay fixated and obsess about their abuser, often suffering as long as ten years or more post-breakup.
Why does this happen…
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Just how the walls, framing and structure of our homes can come crashing to the ground when hit by a bulldozer, our boundaries, which separate us from others, (the walls that hold ourselves inside us and keeps others at a safe & healthy distance) are completely demolished in a narcissistically abusive relationship.
Here’s an example:
Whenever we try to talk to the narcissist about something they did that resulted in us feeling a certain way, regardless of how nice we are or how much responsibility we take when we try to talk about it, the narcissist whose identity renders them incapable of taking any responsibility and see all feelings as criticism and thus a narcissistic injury, will deflect our concerns and throw a red herring, not see them as valid, won’t listen to us, will twist it and turn it back on us, etc. ANYTHING that will prevent them from having to…
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